Break Myself
by PurrPrinThom
Summary: The Marauders and their slightly insane friend Libby. Mostly just follows them through the year. Fairly short. Gets a bit angsty.
1. Prologue

Harry Potter had found a book. It was tattered and brown and looked slightly like Riddle's diary. But, it was in Godric's Hollow. It couldn't possibly be a horcrux. Lying there, still on the ground, under a pile of rubbish it looked almost as though it shouldn't have been there at all. And yet, almost as though it had been left there on purpose.

Voldemort valued his soul too much to just leave it there. He opened it, mostly on a whim. Curiosity had always been a weakness of Harry Potter's. The first four pages were blank, but as he flipped through it he realised the rest of it was very, very full. He began to read at the first full page.

_My name is Libby Doyle. If you are reading this, I am dead. Obviously if I were still alive you wouldn't be reading this because I would hex you if you even set your filthy little hands on it. Sorry, I don't know that your hands are filthy. They probably aren't. You're probably really rich and a collector of artefacts from the first wizarding war. Oh bugger what if you're a muggle and now you're wondering what the wizarding war is._

_Good going Libby, with a single sentence you have blown an entire millennium's worth of cover-up. But this is just like you, you know._

_Now you, your muggle self is going to run and either ask all the crazy-houses about a resident named Libby Doyle, or you're going to believe me and tell everyone wizard's exist and that they had a war and then _you'll_ be admitted to the crazy-house. _

_Which, quite honestly, would be very hilarious in the extreme, wouldn't it?_

_But, I don't see you as a muggle. No, more so a wizard. Curious, of course, as to whom I am, and why I'm so self-detrimental. You probably fancy you know everything there is to know about the first war and yet, you wish to know more. _

_What was it like?_

_Was I good or evil?_

_Was it really that black and white?_

_Is there a grey area?_

_Did Voldemort really sleep in Care Bear pyjamas?_

_Sadly, I can't answer that last as, although I am sadistic, twisted and most likely certifiably insane, I am not fighting for Voldemort, but against him. _

_Now you're excited. For one of two reasons, I'm guessing._

_One: You're good and you get to read about what it was like for the good side and the wonderful people and everything._

_Two: You're bad and now you get to find out our tactics from the first war and if there is a second war, or if the first war is still going on, you can try and use them against us. _

_You're eyes are glinting with greed and you stir your tea by swirling the cup. I bet you're sitting in a cozy armchair (red or purple plush most likely) in front of a blazing fire. You're wearing a purple of red smoking jacket, probably silk. And I see you. Clever looking, but really rich and fat, like Slughorn. Oh bugger, and then it's going to be Old Sluggy reading this and he's going to get angry and wonder how the hell I passed Potions and remind him that I am his least favourite student of all time. _

_I really was you know. I always harassed his favourites and crashed a 'Slug Club' party once, only to be thrown out on my ear for snogging Bertram Aubrey. But _he_ came at _me_ but Slugbug would never believe such an excellent student would be so rude._

_Don't worry though; the boys used a hex on him that made his head swell to twice its normal size. Very funny of course, but they earned a double detention. _

_But again, I am off topic. This is a story, told in random outbursts of interest that grow steadily stranger and steadily less/more interesting (depending on how humourless you are). My story/diary/account of madness isn't about me, really. But about my life and five other lives that were alarming intertwined with mine. _

_These five people were my best friends in the whole world. At least I thought they were until very recently I discovered what a prat the one was. These five people are as follows: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Lily Evans and Peter Pettigrew._

Harry felt a shock course through him at these words. This girl knew his parents. Not only knew them, but was a friend to them. This was strange, how had he never known about her before? How had it (the diary) survived, was a crucial question. But he didn't really care; if this girl really knew his parents, he could read about them. And get to know them. He decided to continue reading.

_Believe me, none of are normal in any sense of any world/word. Believe me; even I don't know what I've just written, that's how mad I am. And James is even madder. Oh dear I can hear Lily scolding me about grammar. _

_She always did that you, dot the i cross the t and yadda blah back at school. James would shut her up by snogging her. Even _before_ he was her official and proper snogging partner in crime._

_She hated it when he did it before then, but she didn't hate him. Just his cheek. When she told me that, I remember asking her what exactly was wrong with James's cheekbones and she hurled a book at my head._

_She was vair, vair violent when it came to James._

_Especially the one time he had to piggy-back me 'round the school in sixth year because I was being lazy. She got angry and beat me for it, telling me it was because I shouldn't trust him and she was worried he'd drop me. _

_But we all knew it was because she was insanely jealous of me._

_Nobody's ever really been jealous of me; I'm very much a mouse of a person. Quiet and shy. (If you don't understand the sarcasm there, and if after the _ages_ I've been rambling on for and you actually _do _think I sound like a quiet person, you really, really have nothing to hope for.)_

_Oh sod, that was mean. What if I hadn't made it obvious and I just insulted you without reason or excuse._

_I am a terrible, terrible person and don't deserve to breathe._

_Don't worry; I'm not going to go off myself anytime soon._

_I haven't finished spreading love and happiness and chaos to the world._

_Sirius once said that the world was possibly better off _without_ me spreading love and whatnot as usually I just end up making people cry._

_Which is very unfair._

_But alarmingly true._

_I must admit, I am sorry, you know, for being so damn clumsy and falling all over the place and breaking more bones in my body than Sirius has brain cells. _

_I bet you that if he ever reads this, he'll be so angry it's not even funny. However, he probably won't read this until I'm dead._

_Which I probably am now._

_So he's probably too depressed to be angry at me._

_At least, I hope so._

_It would be really sad if he got mad at me when I'm dead. _

_Oh God, I hope he doesn't do anything insane like kill himself now that I'm dead. It would be very Shakespeare of him. But he doesn't know who that is._

_As you might have figured out, this intro was written after the diary filled/ended. I never actually filled the damn thing, but you never know. To be quite honest, I don't care. This diary was for me and then I'm hoping that the git Sirius will read it and take comfort in it. Then pass it along to Remus and the lot. I can hope, can't I?_

_If they _do_ read this, I very badly want them all to know that I love them loads and that they're more of my family then Dad is, wherever he is. And that even though I'm dead, they should carry on and stuff because if they come to Deadland in the next little while, I shall have to kill them again. Especially not Lily and James, they can't kill themselves because they had the very mad Harry, who needs them._

_Even though he's a naughty attention-whore._

_But now I have nothing left to say, so continue on….if you dare._

_I'm totally kidding. I'm not evil or anything._

"I'm an attention-whore?" Harry spoke aloud, grinning. Well, she didn't sound insane or anything in the little intro.

"So she'll fit right in with my parents." He spoke again. And then grinned because he realised no one could hear him but himself. He glanced at the book and wondered if possibly Remus had come and recently left it here for him.

But that didn't seem very plausible.

Harry stared at it a little longer and then, he sat down, cross-legged in the rubble, turned to the very first entry of 1978 (he knew it was 1978 from the page before the entry exclaiming _1978 LOSERS!_) and began to read.


	2. Bridging the Gap

Sunday 1.00 pm, on the Hogwarts Express (September)

I'm back again, at Hogwarts, thank God. For my seventh year. And I have a new diary. Well, not new, as I never had an old one. It's an ugly thing, that's for sure. All brown and ugly. I found it at a bus stop.

I'm kidding.

I bought it cheaply at a flea market.

But I'm here to explain some things to you and not much else I suppose.

First, I'm Libby Doyle. I have brown hair that looks sometimes red and that can't decided what shape it is. Some days it curls like mad about my face and shoulders and all the way down to my waist. Other days it's stick straight. A couple times it's been a big-arse bushy mess that sticks out farther than I thought possible.

My eyes are brown, and big and really round and Sirius always says they're gigantic and are the same size as galleons but I don't believe him. But you never know. They could be. I personally have never been able to see my eyes without a mirror but…

I am muggle-born and live down the street from my bestest friend, Lily Evans. She had wicked emerald green eyes and dark red hair that loves to curl. She's smart and confident and everything that anybody would ever want.

Especially James Potter. He'd mad about her. He has hair like a haystack. But not as blonde. Although, with the way he acts, it could be blonde. Oh dear, that's hair-ist. I'll have clamours of people angry at me now.

I'm on the train now, scribbling away and I'm all alone. James and Lily are the Head Boy and Girl this year and so, toerags, have to attend a swotty meeting. So does Remus. Sodding suck-ups. No, they're just good at everything.

Peter and Sirius, I donno. They've disappeared. Actually I haven't seen them yet, but that's not the point. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to do, being bored all by myself, but I can manage.

After seven years, James and Lily have finally agreed to get along. Lily I have known since birth and we were both ecstatic to get Hogwarts letters, but when we found out that the other was coming we both had an aneurism.

I met James, Sirius and Remus on the train. I had barged into a compartment that already had Remus in it, startling the hell out of him. I must have scared him; I vividly remember having on a bright-orange t-shirt, jeans I had painted on, a lime green sweater and a multi-coloured skirt.

I looked like a paint explosion. Or a firework. Or just mad.

I barged in, flopped down beside him, ripped his book (_Lord of the Rings, the Two Towers_, marvellous book, by the way) out of his hands and beamed at him. "I'm Libby. You're tall." Yes, I am a midget. At eleven I was barely four foot five, and since then I've grown only five inches. Stupid midget mother. My dad was gigantic, why can't I have gotten _those_ jeans?

Remus looked alarmed. But we got along after a fashion, we started talking about his book and soon we were discussing Dr Seuss, who everyone knows is the most ingenious writer ever!

Soon after, James and Sirius burst in, grinning and laughing and being idiots. They nearly fell over when they saw me. They chuckled and began talking loudly to us about why parchment would take over the world and soon we got along.

Then when we got on the boats to cross the lake, they followed me and we all clambered into a boat holding Lily and Peter.

James took one look at Lily and asked me her name. I told him.

"Oi. Evans is it?" Lily looked at him and gave a nod to show he got her name right. "I fancy you're thrilled, sitting so close to me." James stated smugly, looking very proud of himself.

"You pompous git." Lily's tone was horrified and she looked disgusted. She scowled and gave him a hard shove, knocking him into the lake.

He got soaked.

Sirius and I couldn't stop laughing.

James and Lily have hated each other since.

They jinxed each other in the corridors.

They purposely ruined each others' dates.

They had shouting matches in the halls.

"Oi! Evans! Been thinking about me much?" James pestered one November evening after dinner in the corridor, still during first year.

"You are the most arrogant, conceited, annoying _git_ I have ever met!" She cried.

"You're impossible to get along with! No wonder books are your only bloody friends!" James cried, fired up. This is what he had wanted.

"At least I can read!"

"Oh ha ha. Might I remind you Evans, _I'm one of the top students_!"

"Well you wouldn't know it; you act so _daft_ the rest of the time!"

"I'm taller than you!"

"How is that even relevant?"

"I could _sit_ on you!"

"Could you?"

"Yes, Evans, I could. And I could crush that pretty little redhead of yours."

"Of course you could, being so _fat_!"  
James mock gasped, more so for our benefit. "Did you just call me _fat_?"

"Yes. I think I did."

"You shouldn't have done that."

"What are you going to do, _eat_ me?"

Then there was light and both yelled something. James's arms and legs had rearranged themselves and Lily…well…Lily had looked a lot better before, to say the least. Of course, both were hexed stupid and the three of us had to drag them up to the Hospital Wing to get fixed.

Peter had joined our group somewhere way back; who knows and he followed us around like a fanboy. Mostly he was in Sirius and James' fan clubs. Mine, not so much.

The boys loved to cause trouble and dubbed themselves 'The Marauders'. Nasty gits. They were always exploding things or doing something daft. Amusing though it was they always got into loads of trouble. Sometimes I helped. Scratch that. _Usually_ I helped.

They're idiots, mind you. Not sure how their parents ever put up with them. I would have been highly violent. I'm surprised they're all so clever (not Peter, Peter's not clever) because usually they all act so stupid all the time, you'd never know.

You might wonder how I got to be friends with both teams (Team Evans and Team Potter) at once. It's not easy, believe me. Juggling a friendship between two known enemies is a hard deal. There's the fact that they _both_ want to whine and complain about each other twenty-four-seven. And hex each other into oblivion and snog each other senseless all at once. And _I _get stuck having to listen to them!

But Lily was often caught up in school work and I saw less and less of her as time went by, so that left time for me and the Marauders.

To the rest of the school, I was the Marauder Girl. The one girl they let in their ranks and told secrets to. Apparently, this made me a prime target for new 'friends'. I was swarmed everyday by James and Sirius fangirls for information on them. Favourite colours, favourite foods, how they liked girls to style their hair and whatnot.

I told them complete bull.

I was close to the boys, but not close enough that they would confide in me deep dark secrets. Then again, I don't think it was a friendship barrier, I think it was more of a gender thing. After all, you can't explain to a boy about a guy you like and vice versa. It'd be awkward. And strange. It's easier just to stick to telling things like that to those of the same gender. Or your pets, because they don't tell anything.

Unless, when you sleep, all the pets escape and have this big party where they tell everyone else's pets your secrets and they all have a laugh about how daft we humans are.

Speaking of secrets, it was third year when Remus told us he was a werewolf. I was the one who discovered how to turn into Animagi, and I helped the boys but didn't do it myself. They perfected it by fifth year and they were able to transform at will. James into a stag, Sirius into a dog and Peter into a rat.

Honestly, they needed a lookout. Once a month they go gallivanting about. The two most popular boys in Hogwarts go out and they don't think anyone'll notice. I was the cover story. 'Sirius isn't feeling well' 'James decided to take a walk' and etcetera.

They sincerely believed that no one would notice. They could just disappear. Not if you're a Marauder. Not if you have a fan club.

On the topic of fifth year, that's when the hormones really kicked in for my guy friends. Sirius had been developing hormones for ages, but fifth year he really got them. But Prongs was the true problem. And in true Prongs fashion, James, of course, decided that Lily was no longer an enemy, but a sexy beast (not his exact words, but it's funnier than the silly, pathetic things he's always mooning about).

Why the "of course" you ask?

Because James was a spoiled, arrogant git, like Sirius, and the fact that there was a girl out there who _wouldn't_ say yes when he asked her to visit Hogsmeade with him was completely beyond the confines of his tiny mind.

And so he became infatuated with her.

So infatuated it might as well have been stalking.

He followed her from class to class.

He followed her in Hogsmeade.

He was a nuisance.

Not just to her, but to us.

Really, he annoyed us too. It was 'Lily this' and 'Lily that' and 'Doesn't Lily look nice today' and 'Lily is really beautiful'. It was revolting. Sometimes, I really badly wanted to slug him. But I didn't get to because Sirius beat me to it.

Every other day he would ask her to go out.

"Lily?"

"What, Potter?"

"Go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?" He was smirking a mile wide.

Lily sighed and closed the book she was reading. "Potter, what did I say when you asked me to go on the first Hogsmeade trip with you."

"No." James just kept smirking.

"And the second?" She urged.

"No." His grin never faltered.

"The third?" She continued, gesturing with her hands

"No." Smirk was still there.

"And the fourth?" She was looking at him like he was incredibly thick.

"No." Bloody hell he was confident!

"What about the Halloween Dance?" She was amazed at his stupidity.  
"No." He just kept on grinning.  
"And the Yule Ball?" She tucked her hair behind her ear and frowned.

"No." James was failing to see her point.

"And the 'study session' in the Library?" Air quotes are very effective in situations like these. Lily knows this.

"No." Love really is blind. Deaf, too.

"And the 'remedial Potions'?" He'd started failing potions so she'd help him.

"No." Obviously he wouldn't recognise the point if it bit his ear.

"And the Transfiguration tutoring?" She had never been good in Transfiguration.

"No." James looked as though this was boring him.

"So what do you think my answer will be this time?" Lily was astounded that he could _still_ be so daft.

"'Yes James, I would simply _adore_ to go to Hogsmeade with you! Partially because you are so devilishly good looking and partially because I am so madly in love with you!'" James's smirked grew even bigger.

"NO!" Lily cried and hexed him.

"I'm beginning to think you're masochistic, mate." Sirius snickered and we hauled him off to the Hospital Wing, oozing and sighing over how wonderful her spells were.

Also that year, was the best Valentine's Day yet.

That was the Valentine's Day James went overboard. We were in the Common Room and for fun the teachers decided we could slip Valentines into a box and then at six o'clock that evening they would be magically delivered to the person to whom we addressed the card. It was a good idea I suppose, a little soppy, but cute.

At exactly six o'clock the Valentines were delivered.

Peter got three (jokes from James and Sirius, but all cards were signed from an anonymous secret admirer, he never figured it our).

Remus received two (real ones, icky cutsie ones from _his_ FanClub).

James received one from Sirius (a total joke, but so funny) and six others from girls in the 'Go out With Me and Not Evans' club.

Sirius received sixteen (stupid fangirls).

I got six. One from Sirius in a mocking of a real one, one from Lily as a friendship thing, three from people I didn't know and one really sickeningly soppy one from an anonymous caller.

Lily received one-hundred-and-fifty-two.

After sorting through most of them, she stood up and slammed her hands down on the desk she had been studying in front of looking furious and ready to explode.

"Wow Lily, you're really popular!" Dorcas Meadowes, blonde and in our year, had exclaimed, glancing at the gigantic pile.

"Not really." Lily growled. "One's from Snape, one's from Jackson in Ravenclaw, a seventh year and the rest are from…" She trailed off and gave James the stink eye.

James grinned. "Hello beloved."

"James Potter! Leave. Me. ALONE!" She screeched, storming over to him, he jumped out of his seat like he had been electrocuted. "I don't like you! I've never liked you! And I'll _never like you_! Leave me alone!" She had drawn herself up and looked highly menacing. Her hair was wild with electricity. Personally, I don't blame James for what he did then.

Lily was standing there, angry, looking very beautiful, and I can say it completely unbiased because at that moment I didn't like her very much, and glaring, her hands on her hips. James was looking down at her with the strangest expression on his face. We knew what he was thinking. Lily glared harder still. "Well?" She asked, waiting for an answer, expecting something witty.

And James kissed her.

After a few very awkward moments, Lily pulled away and scowled. "You…you….you…git!" And, gathering her things, she stormed away.

I fell over laughing and so did Sirius. I was collapsed on his shoulder, nearly crying it was so funny.

James looked hurt and near tears. "That didn't go as I'd planned."

I stopped laughing and so did Sirius. But Sirius spoke as I was planning a speech for Lily. "Aw, mate. Give up on Evans, already. Move. On."

James sounded highly depressed. "No one's go to profess their love for me."

"James, darling, I love you! I have always loved you and I will never stop loving you!" Sirius bellowed dramatically and flung himself on James. As he did this he very unceremoniously shoved me to the floor.

"You two are idiots." Lily had proclaimed, shocked, when she came downstairs because she forgot her Defense Against the Dark Arts book and found James and Sirius snogging. Not a big snog, a light snog, but she had come down at the wrong moment.

We_ were_ idiots. They were idiots.

Snape and Jackson were, of course, regretting the day they sent Lily Evans a Valentine at the end of the week as James was a _very_ protective person.

And very, very violent.

I did talk to Lily afterwards; it was a very interesting talk and rather circular.

We were in the dorm room, in our pyjamas, I was sitting cross-legged on my bed. I was in my snugly-buggly PJ's, a long t-shirt and really baggy pants. Lily had silk pyjama pants and a tank top. Her hair was wild and sticking on end and she was pacing up and down the floor. The other girls had stayed away, for fear of being hurt.

"Aww come on Lily, he _lurvses_ you."

"But he just _kissed_ me! Just randomly out of nowhere! He just _kissed_ me!"

"Well, to be fair, he _did_ send a hundred fifty Valentines. And he _has_ been following you around and asking you out for the last million years. And he did sort of look like he was planning something."

"Don't you _dare_ stick up for him Libby Doyle. What he did was inexcusable."

"But…well…Lils…you…see…"

"What?"

"You were…sort of…kind of…kissing back…you were…kissing…er…for a good two minutes."

"WHAT?"

"Well, it takes two to kiss…"

"Are you implying I _like_ Potter?" Lily stopped dead in her tracks to stare at me with a look of utmost disbelief.

"No, I'm not implying anything. I'm stating straight out that you snogged Potter back and haven't complained about his actually kissing you but more the circumstance than anything and if I didn't know better I'd think that you enjoyed it."

A book whizzed past my head and landed on the pillow behind me.

"Now, now Lily. Use your words."

"I DO NOT LIKE POTTER!"

"I didn't say _that_. I said you liked the kiss. Entirely different." I continued calmly, handing her her book back.

"How so?" She looked suspicious.

"Well you could be a nymphomaniac….honestly Lily? Ancient Runes? That could cause some serious damage, it's very heavy. Besides, you'll need that and that's the second book you've hurled and missed."

"I am not a nymphomaniac." She hissed, her eyes flashing.

"You might be…"

"I'm not!"

"But you could be!"

"Drop it Libby!"

"Fine, fine. Just, at least admit you kissed back…"

"I _didn't_!"

"But you did! I watched you! Your arms went around his neck! And you really got into it. I could tell!"

"I did not!"

"Oh come on."

"I _hate_ him Libbs, I didn't kiss back!"

"Who are you convincing, me or you?"  
"You?"

"Ha. You sound uncertain."

"But I'm not!"  
"You are! You think you like him. But you don't want to."  
"That's not true."

"Bullshit it's not."

"It isn't."

"It is."

"Don't you dare act like you know what goes on in my head, Elizabeth Cressida Doyle! And watch your language."

"You just dropped the middle-name bomb, Lily Eileen Evans!"

"Shut up."

"Not until you admit you might like Potter."

"I won't because I don't."

"Denial is the first step-"

"I am _not_ in denial. I _hate_ James Potter!"

"No you don't.

"Yes I do! I hate his awful black hair! And his pompous face! His stupid hazel eyes! And his awful hands! His ridiculous glasses! His stupid Quidditch skills! His horrid way of being good at everything! And his nasty, arrogant, bullying toerag ways!"

"You are such a liar."

"I am not lying! I hate him! And I never want to feel his hands on me again!"

"Yes you do!"

"I don't! I hate him and I never want to see his God-awful face again! I want him to curl up in a ball and die! Or fall off the face of the Earth or something!"

"Okay, you don't like James, but you liked the kiss…."

"I DID NOT!"

"You did too."

"You are extensively irritating."

"That's true, but irrelevant."

"So?"

"Lily, admit you like James."

"I don't!"

"But you do!"

Lily collapsed on her bed. "I don't! I swear I don't!"

"Admit it…."

"I won't admit something false."

"It's not false."

"It is too!"

"Lily, not only am I your best friend, and have been for thirteen years now, but I am a keen observer of human nature and you can't fool me. You liked it and you know it, so sit down, shut up and stop ignoring James sodding Potter!"

Ah, bugger. I'm lonely and bored. I'm gonna go find someone.


	3. Train

Sunday 10.00 pm, Gryffindor Girl's Dorm, my bed

The second I stepped into that corridor, I was mauled.

I am not even kidding.

I step out, take four steps and suddenly, there are arms around my waist and I'm being spun around. I'm freaking out; I am a very no-touch person. I gut spun around six times. I'm going insane when the person puts me down.

I turn around to hit him, believe me, I know it's a guy; no girl would pick me up. Scratch that, why _would_ a girl pick me up, besides Bella Black who wants to eat me. But she's scary and massive. Oh and that Imelda Swann, Harrison Bulstrode's girlfriend. She sodding massive too.

They're the only girls who'd pick me up, but as for boys, they all _love_ to scoop me up, nasty sods. They love it because I'm so tiny; they feel like giants when they pick me up. Isn't that a nice way to exert power over women? No, not women, just me.

I'm in half a mind to slug the person who's spinning me around, or at least have Sirius hex them for me. He's highly protective of me, I think. Well, he acts like it anyways. It's due to the fact I'm so small, he feels like they need to take care of me. The whole lot of them do. Sirius mostly, because he's biggest.

Height-wise and weight-wise for all you pervs out there.

I'm spinning and thinking about where to hit them. I'm thinking a hard sock in the jaw line; it usually works when the boys get angry. Knocks the git unconscious if they're lucky. Although, I am weaker and I might not be able to reach the jaw line. But I'll go for that. I was able to punch once, one of Dad's mad workout things.

I remember running the course in the pouring rain with Dad blowing his whistle. Every day. All day. Ugh. It's why I hate spring. Then there was the punching bag. I hated that too. But it was run or no supper, so I did it.

But not the point. I haven't properly hit anything since I got accepted to Hogwarts. I should probably practice. I need to have Sirius help me with my right hook. He might be useful for something after all, you really never know.

They let me down

I turned around, hands on my hips, mouth open to yell and it was Sirius.

Stupid git.

I gave him a hug.

But not before I slugged him first. In the arm, though. We don't need him unconscious, that's scarier than him awake.

"Can't you say 'hi' like a normal person?"

He lifts me off the ground when he hugs me. "No. This is more fun."

"What? Me having a heart attack is fun?"

"No, _giving_ you a heart attack is fun." He replies audaciously and kisses me roughly on my cheek. It was nice, despite the glares from surrounding fangirls who plotting how to hurt me during the spin, planning how to maim me during the hug and then scheming how to end my existence with the kiss.

"Haha."

He put me down and let go, and I must admit I was a little disappointed. I do like it when he hugs me. I suppose because I was barely ever hugged until I came here. But no matter. "No seriously." He says.

I started laughing very hard then. It wasn't even all that funny, but it was one of those laughing spasm where you just can't stop, no matter how hard you try.

"Aw Bibbs, shut up." He's pleading.

"What's so funny?" It's Peter. He has just arrived.

"Nuffin." I've been doubled over and now I straighten up.

"No….what?" Peter whines, we always leave him out of jokes because usually he doesn't get them. It's not his fault he's so thick.

"I _told_ you Peter, it's nothing to worry your pretty blonde head about." I pat his head in a mocking way and ruffle his hair up a bit.

He looks angry and I can tell he wants to hurt me back. Peter and I have had an ongoing contest, in his mind anyways. Sometime I join in on his little contest, usually I don't because I'm lazy and I hate competition. He has always been the Marauder fanboy, sometimes included, rarely noticed and often ignored. Following them around and making sure they notice him.

I have been the Marauder pet, I've noticed. I'm there to cheer them up and we defend each other. I'm there to protect and to cheer them up. I'm like a favourite puppy or something. They mollycoddle me more than others because I look so pathetic with big brown eyes and being so small and everything. They like hugging me, but that's only because I told them I was never hugged until Sirius mobbed me in the hall just before Christmas break in first year and made me drop everything and it all rolled down the stairs. I got very angry and pushed him and he lost his balance and fell down six before he stopped and I freaked out and bolted down the stairs, crying out about how sorry I was. They've only see me cry once, but I won't get into that. They vowed never to see me cry again. And I vowed never to cry again. Ever.

Basically, Peter wants to be the pet. He wants to petted and cooed over, while all the while still regaining admiration and respect. As the fanboy, there is no respect. He's the sad sack that does whatever he can to be just like everyone else.

He and I always fight. He usually starts it.

The look in his eyes tells me he wants to cause me pain.

"Speaking of blondes, where's that chippy you had a moment ago, Padfoot?"

It's a blow, we have another fangirl following us around now, I guess. But I brush it off. "Chippy? Did you seriously just say _chippy_?"

"Well…I…"

"You're mad."

"_I'm _mad?! _I'm _mad?!" Peter begins but I cut him off with a hug.

"Not as mad as I am." I beam at him and he smiles back. We _can _get along when we feel like it. Usually we don't feel like it. He's fun to argue with because I always win. Mostly due to the fact he doesn't know very many comebacks.

Sirius shoved me back into my compartment (ooooh dirty thoughts) and sank into the seat across from me, grinning. "Guess what I did this summer?"

"Er…" He ran away. I know he did. I had to come to James's house to cheer him up. "Are you sure this topic's…" I trail off, a little unsure of how to edge around it.

His face crumples for a minute and I feel really guilty. Damn him. But he quickly rearranges his features and beams. "Before that."

"Donno. If it involves fangirls, I'd rather not know."

Peter is mauling the lady running the trolley and returns with a gigantic pile of sweets. Enough to last a whale an entire year, to be factual.

"Merlin, Peter, have enough?" Sirius asks (I was going to say 'enquire', but I've know him for seven years now and 'enquire' and Sirius don't go together) his mouth agape. I'm sure my face also retains a large amount of surprise.

Peter's pudgy face flushes. "Mum says I'm not getting enough sugar. She's worried I'll faint." No chance of that. He has more rolls than a Dutch Bakery.

And I'm being mean again.

That poor Dutch Bakery.

"Pumpkin patsies over here please, mate." I open my hands and Peter tosses one to me, grinning, thankful I've helped ward off a teasing extravaganza. I get loads of sugar off him, that's why it's good to have fat best friends. Or just guys for best friends because all they ever seem to do is eat and snog. I usually tune out for the latter, though.

"So what'd you do, oh Cocky One?" I turn my attention back to Sirius.

"I crashed a muggle party." He looks like he believes he deserves a medal.

"Oh God."

"I know!"

"Did you have a disguise? Like a false moustache?" I ask.

He looks confused. "Yeah…"

I start laughing.

"What?"

"I was _there_!"  
"What?" It's both of them this time. Peter has half a chocolate frog in his mouth. I can see the thing kicking and trying (uselessly, once you give Peter food it never comes back) to escape. It's funny, actually.

"Ella said you were some college bloke that had gotten drunk and that's why you kept asking what the telephone was! And the doorbell. And the telly-"

"Yeah, yeah. But, you were there? I didn't know you had a life outside Hogwarts! Geez Bibbs, what else haven't you told us?"

"Loads." I'm being sarcastic but Peter looks surprised.

"Really, I thought we were best-"

"I'm kidding."

"Oh."

"Mmm."

"Where are the gits?" Sirius says suddenly, almost as if he _just_ noticed we're missing three of our number. Knowing him, he probably had.

"Prefects meeting."

"James has probably asked Lily out twelve times by now." Sirius grins.

I laugh. "Only twelve? You underestimate him!"

"Anyone ever wondered why Lily always says no to Prongs?" Sirius asked me, knowing I would tell him so that he could tell James, and he's hoping he has a better shot this year. I would know. I'm the agony aunt of this group.

I sighed. "James is constantly bugging her, asking her out at random, being irritating. He needs to be more romantic about it."

"I'll let him know."

"You should."

There was silence and I took the time to study Sirius. He was still depressed, I could tell that, but he seemed to ward it off somehow. His eyes looked fairly dead and I really wanted to cheer him up like I had this summer.

But I don't get to because he beams. "We should really get in trouble this year."

I grin back. "Of course! We _have_ to, it's our last year! Then we have to torture our bosses for the rest of our lives."

"Of course."

"Hear, hear!"

"I don't want to torture anyone." Peter looks worried. He's such an idiot.

"We won't _actually_ torture anyone, Petey." I tell him and his face relaxes a tad.

Just a tad though.

"Have you ever been drunk?" Sirius speaks suddenly.

"What?"

"Have. You. Ever. Been. Dunk?" He speaks slowly.

"Why?"

"Well, since you're hiding so much from us, I just want to know exactly how much you have been hiding Ms Doyle."

"Why?"

"Because. I. Want. To. Know."

"Why. Does. It. Matter?"

"Donno."

"You're a nosy bugger, you know that?"

"Yes I do."

"Are you proud?"

"No."

"Are you taking a class?"

"Hi, my name is Sirius Black and I'm a Nosy Bugger."

"Excellent."

"That's what the leader told me."

"I'm so glad you're making progress!"

"Sirius has a drinking problem?" Peter's face is stuffed with candy.

We both cast him despairing looks.

There was a bang on our door and then….

A pillow has just been hurled at my head. Pfft, stupid Lily wants me to turn off the light and go to sleep. Fine. Geez.


	4. Summer

Monday, 10.15 am, H.O.M.

I figured I should write about the hell we went through this summer when Sirius ran away to James's house. Just for fun. And it's just History of Magic; I have an entire hour where I can take a break and have a little snooze if I feel like.

I got the note from James in the end of August.

Libby,

He's done it. He's run away. He's here now. He's been here for three days now. But he's sad. He won't come out of his room. I want you to come and help. Wormtail can't come (stupid parents, think I'm a bad influence), Moony's coming tomorrow. We're all in a state of shock.

Especially him, he's moping. And he's seems dead. Even to me.

You're used to dealing with this kind of thing. Sorry, I mean, you're good at cheering people up. It's because you're insane.

So please, can you come?  
Much love,

James

PS

Bring Lily, I deserve a present

I had no idea what to think. This was something I had never expected. Depression and Sirius were two words that I had never imagined in the same sentence and having them here, so plainly in front of me was quite nearly a blow.

There was no thought process after _Sirius is in trouble_ was burned into my brain. I packed my bags and tried to write a goodbye letter to Dad. For once in my life, I couldn't think of anything to say. For inspiration, I went into the room across the hall.

Dad was sitting on the bed.

His head in his hands.

A photo album on his lap.

And he was crying.

I have _never_ seen Dad breakdown. Never.

It scared me.

I had to get out of this house. Back to where I belonged. I scrawled a note.

Dad,

Friend in trouble. Have to go. See you soon.

Love,

Libbs

I left it on his pillow.

And I got the hell out of that house.

You can call me coward, for leaving my dad to wallow in his grief alone. But I won't care. If I had spoken, it would have been like reliving my worst memories. He would have shot straight up smiled vaguely and said something about Cadets and left. There was no talking the first time. The second time there had been a handshake and since that second time, I haven't spoken to my father.

To have to enter that room, and to have to talk to him about old wounds and then tell him I had to leave because my friend is in need, would have been so painful, I don't think I would have made it to Lily's house.

But I did. Because I didn't have that conversation. I arrived at Lily's house and rang the doorbell. Her house is nice, two storey, red brick, tin roof. Wonderful and cute.

Petunia answered. She was blonde and a little less portly than last year. She still possessed a stubby little nose and a long neck. Her hair was just under her chin now. Delightful. She and I harass each other when we're feeling mean.

"Oh it's you." She looked bored.

"Could say the same about you. I want to see Lily."

"No."

"Why not?"

"She's busy."

"Oh for God's sakes-"

"She doesn't want to talk to you."

"The hell she doesn't."

"Look-"

"Have you gained weight, Tuna? You seem rounder!"

"You're awful! _Awful_!" Petunia began to sob and just stood beside the door. I felt a tad of guilt, but she had pushed me off the roof one time. This was my revenge.

Okay, no. My revenge for her pushing me off the roof was me cutting off her hair. This was revenge for….being mean to Lily and dating a human slug named Vernon (who the hell names a kid _Vernon_?).

"LILY!" I screamed it.

"WHAT?" She was yelling from upstairs.

"PADFOOT FINALLY DID IT!" I bellowed, knowing she could figure it out.

I heard her pounding down the stairs and she shoved Petunia out of the way.

"_Really_?"

"He's at Prongs'. I'm going."

"Me too."

"MUM!" Petunia screamed, her eyes were very red. "LILY'S GOING TO HANG OUT WITH DRUG DEALERS!" She flashed us a nasty smile and disappeared.

"One moment." Lily closed the door and I heard some muffled screaming. There was shouting, an 'IT'S NOT FAIR' from Petunia, some scuffling and then Lily was at the door, beaming.

"I can come. But only for the day."

"Make the most of Prongs while you can."

"What?"

"Nothing."

I flung out my arm and the bus was there in seconds.

After an uneventful (ha-ha not, this _is_ the Knight Bus) we were at James's house.

I banged on the door, only to have it ripped open by James, who practically glowed when he saw who I had brought with me.

"Here, Lils, I'll show you around. Libby, you know you're way around. He's in his room." James said, taking our bags and showing us in. The look he gave me was very indicative. _Get the hell away from us!_

Lily followed him and I headed to the right.

I passed the bathroom and James's room and went up to the end room that Sirius had occupied on various visits.

I knocked.

"Look, Prongs, I don't care how many oranges you can fit in your mouth I am not coming out." His voice was muffled by the door but it was still angry and full of so much pain I wanted to cry. And laugh. Oranges? Honestly, what had James been _doing_ for the last few days? Then again, maybe I didn't want to know.

I started to turn the handle.  
"I'll hex you, Prongs. I swear, I don't want to talk. Or to look. Or to listen. Or smell. Or any other of the bloody senses. Leave me alone."

I twisted the handle but the door wouldn't budge.

"I've locked it. You can't come in."

He sounded so sad, I felt sad. I closed my eyes and spoke in the biggest voice I could muster, but it was still really quiet and pathetic. I sounded almost as depressed as him. This was sort of funny, in a weird way.

"Sirius. It's me."

There was the squeaking of him getting off the bed and then the door wrenched open. He took one look at me and engulfed me in a hug so fierce I thought he would break me. Not like that's so hard, or anything, but he still could have.

He lifted me off the ground a bit and he buried his face in my shoulder and for a moment I thought he was crying. But he wasn't. He was just standing.

I'm not sure _what_ he was doing, but I'd done it too, when I needed comforting and so I guess it's a natural thing. Because I'm shorter, when he put his head in my shoulder (_that_ doesn't sound weird or anything) my face was buried in his shoulder. He smelled like ice. You know that really crisp, burning sort of smell? Yeah. That.

After a few minutes of being squished to death in the gigantic, bone-crushing hug, he took my hand and led me into his room. Nothing dirty, but he is _very_ attached to this room, he has been ever since James gave it to him ages ago. It's been more of a room to him than the room he had at his house.

He lay down on the bed and I sat on it, at the foot.

Now wasn't the time to talk, but I tried anyways.

"Petunia's gotten fatter." I said quietly, absently tracing the pattern of the quilt with my finger. I didn't look at him. But I could see a smile flicker on his face for a moment. It wasn't a random comment or anything.

"You sound worse off than I am."

"That's hard."

"But you managed it." Sirius sat up a bit.

"We don't know that."

"Oh?"

"I don't know how miserable you are and you don't know how miserable I am."

"Ah. Good point." He tapped his nose and I smiled. That gesture is so demented and I don't even know what it means. But I _love_ tapping my nose and I do it quite often. Sirius and James are the only ones who get it. Mostly because Lily and Remus know what it means and Peter is just too slow to catch on.

There was silence for a very long time.

"I thought…you didn't…want to see anyone?"

He gave a short-lived, hollow, grin. "You sounded sad."

"And?"  
He shrugged. "Misery loves company."

"I guess."

There was another silence.

"Why are you sad, Lib?"

I slid on my stomach until my head was up by his, except I was lying on my stomach and him on his back. "Dad was crying."

"Still?"

"No," I traced the checked-patterned pillowcase. "Dad's never cried."

"Never?"

"Never. He was in the room, with photos and he was crying."

"Have you cried about it?"

"Once."

"_Once_?"

"You were there."

"I know. I don't ever want to see you cry again."

"I'm never going to cry again."

"That's terrible."

"You haven't cried, I bet."

"No."

"That makes you a hypocrite."

"Crying just doesn't seem right."

"Sirius, you should. Or yell. Or write. It helps."

"Does it?"

"Yeah. I wrote letters to Dad for a while. He never got them, though. But it helped for the hurting, you should try."

"It really felt good?"

"Yeah."

"Huh."

"Your turn."

"Alright."

"Go ahead."

"Where do I start?"

"How about…Regulus?"

"Or, I could tell you how it happened and go from there."

"That would be lovely." I spoke softly, and stopped tracing the pattern on the pillow. I sat straight up and crossed my legs. He mimicked me.

"It was four days ago. That was the day I woke up and found Regulus-the ruddy git- snooping through my things. He found a picture, looked at me, smirked and ran downstairs clutching the photo and a few papers.

"I tried to jump out of bed, but I was tangled in the sheets and I fell flat on my face in a tangle of sheets. I swore and untangled myself.

"I stumbled/stormed down the stairs and into the living room to find my parents and snotty little brother poring over photos of us and notes we had passed in class. They were looking at them with revulsion.

"'You associate with this...this..._filth_?' Mum shrieked-I've never heard her sound so horrified. They were looking at a picture of you, sorry mate-"

"No problem. Your family are gits, you can't help it." He just looked at me. "Sorry. Continue."

"They were all the notes we've ever written. They cover everything, from Slytherins, to James mooning over Lily, to Remus being a nasty little goody-two-shoes and how dull History of Magic is. There's loads of them, and I saved them all."

"I wondered where those went! I-….sorry."

"'Pompous git?' Regulus demanded, and he held out the note passed around in Charms last year where we made fun of him.

"I told him he was.

"He whipped out his wand.

"And I decided I wasn't going to take it this summer. I had given in the last five summers because I thought they would finally accept me, that I would prove to them I was good enough. And now I realised that would never happen. They would never accept me. I was the bad son and I was never going to be loved or accepted by them and I realised right then, and right there that _I didn't care_.

"I didn't need them. I didn't love them. On some level, I imagined that I did, but I didn't. Now that I knew, now that I had had my epiphany I was going to get better.

"'Ah! You see, _little_ brother, we've come upon on a snag. _I_ am far taller than you. Therefore, the appropriate term would be 'why you bigger'.' I said it very calmly too, and he turned red and confused.

"'You talked back. You're going to be punished.'

"'I doubt it.'

"'What's that supposed to mean, boy?' Dad roared and I saw him turning redder by the second.

"'I'm fighting back.' I told them 'I'm not going to sit around any more. I'm fighting back. I don't feel like being a doormat any more.'

"My mother laughed manically.

"'On that note, I would like my things back.' I continued.

"Mum continued laughing. 'But we're not finished with them, boy. We're using them to gather information.'

What could they possibly find information on in a few photos and notes? 'For what? About what?'

"'For our Cause against Yours.' She said and I was confused.

"'Cause?'

"'The Dark Lord versus Dumbledore.'

"'Who?'

"'The Dark Lord.' Regulus is such a little parrot. He'll never go anywhere.

"'Voldie?' I admit it, Bibbs. I used your stupid little name for him.

"'DON'T CALL HIM THAT!' My brother shrieked, and threw a Confundus charm at me. He's awful at Charms.

"I blocked it and used the Bat-Bogey Hex.

"Regulus shrieked and Mum quickly used the counter spell. 'I see you haven't been invited to join Dumbledore's army. Pity. I would have _loved_ it if Regulus killed you in battle.'

"'What?' I was caught up by then. Voldemort (aka The Dark Lord, You-Know-Who etc) has built up an army of Death Eaters, that part I knew. We know that He and his army has been attacking muggles and muggle-borns for a few years now, not killing, not yet. Dumbledore has most likely started an army too, I wasn't positive but he probably has. And I bet you he'll ask Remus to join when he's old enough. Moony's top form. You too, probably Bibbsy, you're wicked at spells.

"Regulus lifted the sleeve on his left arm and revealed a green tattoo of a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth.

"I felt like I had been hit over the head. I had never thought they were evil. I thought they were prejudiced, sure. But _evil_? Murderers? Never. Voldemort's army was going to kill people at random to inspire fear. _And my family fully supported it_.

"I felt sick. 'Have you killed yet?' I asked, and I sounded ridiculously calm.

"The idiot looked surprised. 'Well, no. Not until after school. But I mean…it's the thought, right?'

"'You people disgust me. _ Accio _all my stuff!' I bellowed and all my belongings flew down the stairs, nearly bowling me over. My photos and notes were ripped from my parents hands. I magically packed everything while they looked on.

"'What are you doing?' Regulus wondered, by God he's thick.

"'Leaving.'

"'Why?'

"'You are twisted, sick people and I can't stand to live here a moment longer.'

"'OH NO YOU DON'T! _CRUCIO_!' My father roared.

"'_PROTEGO_!' _STUPEFY_!' I froze my father in his place.

"'YOU STEP ONE FOOT FROM WHERE YOU ARE AND YOU ARE DISOWNED!' Mum yelled.

"'THEN I GUESS I'M BEING DISOWNED!' I snarled.

"'YOU WILL NEVER BE ALLOWED BACK HERE IF YOU STEP ONE INCH OUT THAT DOOR!" She screamed. I don't think of her as Mum anymore. At least, I won't by the end of the week.

"I whirled around. "THANK GOD! I NEVER WANT TO COME BACK!'

"'YOU'RE NOT LEAVING! THINK OF THE DISGRACE! YOU'LL BE THE LAUGHINGSTOCK OF THE SCHOOL, BEING DISOWNED BY YOUR OWN FREE WILL!' Wallburga screeched.

"'ON THE CONTRARY, MRS BLACK! I DO BELIEVE _YOU_ WILL BE THE LAUGHINGSTOCK, HAVING YOUR OLDEST SON WALK OUT ON YOU BY _CHOICE_! I'M AFRAID _YOUR_ GOOD, SORRY, _BAD_ NAME WILL BE RUINED!"

"She stared at me, stunned, as I opened the door and walked out.

I turned to look at her. She was shocked. I don't understand why, either. Haven't I made it dreadfully obvious that I hated it here?"

"'Goodbye mother. I hope you all rot in Hell.' And I slammed the door in her face and flung out my arm. Then the bus appeared and I cam here.

"I _hate_ them. I hate them so much. I can't even start on how much I hate them. If I could hurt them as many times as they hurt me, it _still_ wouldn't be enough. I don't want to see them dead by Voldemort anyways. That's too good for them. They deserve something slow and painful and god-awful.

"Look." He rolled up his sleeve and exposed row after row of vertical scars.

"Oh…Padfoot." I breathed it because I couldn't trust my voice. "Did-"

"Regulus is good at slashing charms, eh?" His smile was rueful.

I had flung myself at him and given him and gigantic hug.

"You are a bad…bad…person for not telling us." I scolded.

And he laughed. "You seem more upset about it than I am."

"And I am! You…awful…scars…hide…mean!" I biffed him with a pillow.

He chuckled, grabbed another and hit me back. Sadly, I have no centre of balance and when he did that, I fell off the bed.

Sirius couldn't stop laughing.

James's head popped in.

"What'd she do?"

"She fell off the bed when I hit her with a pillow."

James started laughing too.

"I swear to Merlin I will start singing The Song That Never Ends if you don't shut up!" I snapped and crawled back up onto the bed.

James glanced into the hall, made sure Sirius wasn't looking, then flashed me a thumbs up before disappearing.

Sirius lay down, hands behind his head and I mimicked him, moving my head up so it was beside his. I glanced at him and he was still smirking, and I was glad.

I wanted to keep that smirk there.

"I don't believe in the alphabet." I said and I saw him grin.

"Oh?"

"Yes. It's too confining. I've decided I'm not going to use it anymore."

"So no more writing then?"

"Nope."

"Notes?"

"No."

"Short-stories?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Lists?"

"No way."

"Alright, try and explain that to McGonagall."

"Oh that'll be _fun_."

"Won't it?"

"Have any good adventures? I fell down the stairs."

He sat up, looking concerned. "Are you alright?"

"Well I'm not dead yet."

"That's not funny."

"No? Hmm, I'll need a better answer."

"Yes you will." He lies back down.

There's a moment of silence….then: "How did you fall down the stairs?"

"Daddy was gone, so I put on some loud music and I was dancing around and having a good time, when I forgot that the stairs were there. I only fell down eight, but it still hurt." I stuck out my bottom lip.

He snorted. "You're insane."

"_I'm_ insane? _I'm insane_? I'm _insane_? Yes thank you, I know."

He grinned. "You're brilliant."

"So are you."

"You're short."

"You're massive."

"You're a midget."

"You have man-hands."

He grinned again. "Well I would hope so."

"Well, you never know. I bet you James has girly hands."

"What?"

"I don't know, he just seems like he would have pansy-hands."

"He doesn't."

"How do _you_ know?"

"There isn't anyway I can tell you without you interpreting it wrong."

"Are you sure?"

"Very sure."

"Very, very sure?"

"Yes."

"Positively absolutely?"

"Yes."

"Absitively posilutely?"

"Yes."

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?"

"Yes."

"Very sure?"

"Shut up now."

"Yes sir. Right away sir. Shutting up now sir." I mock saluted.

"You are SCUM. _Scum do you hear me_?"

"That hurts."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm kidding."

"Are you?"

"Am I? You've been owned."

"You are such a loser."

"Shut up mofo."

"Mofo?"

"Yes."

"What does that even mean?"

"You wish you knew what it meant!"

"Yeah I kinda do!"

"Teehee."

"Shut up."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Make me!"

"I WILL!" He covered my face with a pillow.

I screamed.

James and Lily ran in and Lily grabbed the pillow off my face.

"Sirius what the hell?"

"She wouldn't tell me what mofo meant!"

"So you decided to KILL her?"

"Better her than me."

"GAH! I CAN BREATHE!" I shouted.

They all began to laugh at me.

Oops.

Binns just asked me why I'm still here.

I told him it's because he's such a brilliant teacher and I have been so involved in the lesson that I wanted to stay longer.

I have a detention tomorrow evening.

Bugger.

Class is over. S'later.


	5. Seventh Year

Monday, 11.59 pm, under my bed

I couldn't sleep so I figured I'd write. I never finished what happened on the train so I'll do that now.

"Prongs!" James has arrived in our compartment looking smug and stupid.

"Head Boy in the house!" He yells and flops down beside Sirius.

He leans across the space between us and gives me a hug.

"You look short this year, Ms Doyle."

"Fat arse."

"Oooh someone's cranky. Lie down."

I lie down and James creates a small notepad for himself. "So, Ms Doyle. Tell me about your childhood."

"I see darkness. Complete darkness. And then, a light. A bright, white, perfect light. It's coming towards me. Closer. Closer. It's a spaceship, I can see it now. It's huge. Wow. There's a tractor beam. A bright, beautiful tractor beam. And I'm being pulled up, up, up. And now it's black again."

"Wonderful. And your parents?"

"Donno. Already captives I suppose."

"Terrible, terrible. Anyone else?"

"I was outside with Robbie…"

"Was this Robert your boyfriend?"

I cast James an irritated look. "Shut up. No he wasn't. He was my brother."

James grins and stops being the psychiatrist. "I know."

"I know you know."

"I know you know I know."

"I know you know I know you know."

"I know you know I know you know I know."

"I know you know I know you know I know you know."

"I know you know I know you know I know you know I know."

"What?" Peter is completely lost.

"I'm not even sure…" James admits.

"Haha! I won!" I sit straight up again.

"What?"

"You said a sentence without _know_ first! I win!" I lie down again.

"Frammit!"

Lily enters then, with Remus. Remus has his nose in a book.

"Book?" I ask loudly.

Remus glances up and smiles. "_Peter Pan_."

"I hate that book." I wrinkle my nose.

"Why?" Lily has to know as she sits beside my feet.

"Men in tights." I shudder.

"Ew, what man wears tights?" Sirius wonders aloud.

"Men like you, Padfoot." James grins.

Sirius hits him. "Yeah right Prongs, we all know you secretly love tights."

James looks very serious. "Yes, I do."

"I now pronounce you tights and wife!" I proclaim and everyone snickers.

"You so know you wish you were the tights, Evans." James says, grinning.

Lily's eyes flash. "No, actually I don't."

James gasps in mock horror. "You have broken my heart."

"What is that, the thirty-millionth time now?" Sirius muses.

"Eleventy-fourth million." I correct them.

"You should change into your uniforms." Lily says, glancing at myself and Sirius.

"Alrighty. Get out." I order and point towards the door.

"What?"

"Get out so I can change."

"No. Go change in the bathroom."

"How about I don't?"

"Go, Libby."

"No."

"Libby!"

"Lily!"

"Elizabeth Cressida Norris!"

"Whoa, your middle name is _Cressida_?" Sirius snickers.

"You're named after a sodding star!" I retort. "Get out!"

James grins evilly. "How about we leave Padfoot and Libby in here, and they can change _together_?"

Lily hesitates, but then smiles. "Alright."

They leave. I flop onto the seat. "I win."

Sirius snorts. "Are you going to change?"

"Are you?"

"Quite possibly."

"No peeking, promise?"

He rolls his eyes. "No peeking."

"Good."

We grab our uniforms and face away from each other.

We change.

He peeked. I caught him.

"WE'RE DECENT!" I yell and Lily and James come back in, Remus behind them. Peter has resumed stalking the trolley. And it's matron.

"You did it." Lily looks horrified.

I beam. "I know."

"Did you look, Padfoot?" James wants to know.

"No." Sirius shakes his head.

"Yes you did." I contradict, lazily grabbing a muggle magazine and flipping through it.

"How would you know?" Sirius asks.

"I caught you."

"Doesn't that mean you were peeking at me?"

"What? No! Look, you are a natural born perv. If you looked it would be entirely within your personality!" I feel myself flushing. _I did not peek_!

"So you're assuming I peeked."

"No, I know that you would and I know that you did."

"Liar."

"You're an arse."

"I win."

"I hate you."

"How original."

The train stops.

So, we got off the train and made our way into the entry hall with nothing interesting happening.

When we got in the Great Hall, however, Sirius was mobbed by his fangirls

("Ooooh Sirius I _love_ your new hairstyle!" "Oh Sirius! You've grown a whole _two inches_!" "_Ooooh_ Sirius! Did you work on your abs?" "Sirius! Can I feel your arms?" etc. etc.) Hahaha he looked scared.

We escaped and I hurried over to sit with Lily, whom I haven't seen since four whole seconds ago and we needed to catch up. Until the train, I hadn't seen her since she had to leave Prongs' house. I had stayed for a week and gone home. It wasn't awkward or anything because Dad wasn't home. Of course not.

He's too damn busy.

As usual.

Mum would roll over in her grave if she knew how often Robbie and I were left with Nannies. Honestly, she would.

Anyways, so I flopped down beside Lily and she openly gaped at me, which you know, doesn't help ones self-confidence or anything. I know this is seriously weird, but I think I'm too skinny.

I defy all stereotypes. Seriously, aren't girls supposed to worry if they're too fat? I don't, I worry I'm too thin. Who's to blame, seriously though?

Dad.

I know its mean and everything, but if he would fork out the extra twenty bucks and hire a Nanny that would _cook_ I wouldn't have eaten hot dogs, carrots and cereal repeatedly for an entire month when I was eight.

Another problem, this one I can't blame anyone but me for, but I don't get hungry. I will seriously _not_ eat all day because I'm not hungry. Some days I can eat one meal, but other than that, I can't eat anything.

I've tried eating small bits a lot but it didn't work and I got sick. For days.

James laughed at me.

So I'm worried I'll waste away to nothing. Which I probably will someday.

Lily stares at me and goes:

"Whoa, Libbs! Did you loose weight? You look _so_ skinny!"

"Yeah, gee thanks Lil. It's not like I have an effing _complex_ about it or anything!"

"Sorry. How was the rest of the summer?"

"I ate Jammy Dodgers and celery the last week."

"I thought you wanted to _gain_ weight?"

"I do! But the fridge had nothing in it! And dad was out! What am I gonna do? Go ask the Jenkins next door? They hate me since I dumped Dan!"  
"What?" The boys have joined us and Sirius is being his nosy self.

"What, what?" I snapped back. "There was no food in the house-"

"Nonono! Daniel? Dumping?" He looks surprised and amused.

"What about Daniel?"

"Who, what, where, when, why and how?" James speaks really fast and if I didn't know what he was saying, I'd think he was mad. Or something.

I take a deep breath. "Who: Daniel Jenkins. Six two. Black hair and blue eyes. What: Ex-boyfriend. Where: Well, my house and he's the next door neighbour. When: Last summer. Why: I donno. He's was older, he liked me. How: Robbie had…" I choked a bit. "Robbie had a mad party and he was invited; his brother Charlie was a year older than us and a year younger than Robbie and they were friends. It was hot out and we were swimming, he told me I looked awesome. I donno, it went really fast. We didn't officially date, we just snogged a lot. And then, he wanted more. Not perv more, but life-more. He thought we were soul mates and bull and I didn't and he wanted to get married someday and I freaked out and I told him I already had a boyfriend."

James looked baffled, Remus stunned, Peter blank and Sirius horrified.

Ugh I hate bringing up Dan. It was painful and I don't like painful memories. It distracts from the happiness. And I kinda sorta used a picture of Sirius and me to prove I had a boyfriend. I glance at them and they just look.

That stupid hat began to sing. I never liked it. It told me I was too quick to judge. I hated him immediately.

I don't remember much of it but there was the usual BAN TOGETHER message we get every year.

Then the prats were sorted.

Much fun as the boys magically tattooed "FUTURE SEX GOD" to all the new Gryffindors head and "FUTURE PRAT" to all the new Slytherins. It took the teacher all of five minutes to figure out who did it and to give them detention for a week.

Dumbledore gave his usual speech. Basically "these are dark and dangerous times…yadda yadda….love thy neighbour…yadda blah…etcetera" you know, the usual.

It probably had a good point, Dumbledore usually does, but I was too focused on trying to turn Peter's hair pink than anything.

I did manage in the end and it was a brilliant magenta colour. He didn't notice until we headed off to bed. How he was so oblivious, I'm not sure; every time we looked at him we laughed.

Speech ended, food appeared. I grabbed loads, so did everyone else.

We didn't talk much until we got into the Common Room.

"So about Dan-" Remus begins, he's seated on the couch, along with Lily.

"_Anyways_ Lils, how was _your_ summer?" I ask quickly deterring the attention away from me. I'm curled up in a puffy red chair by the fire, Sirius is leaning against the side of it and I'm using his head as an armrest. James is sprawled on the floor, munching away on some Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. I have a pile of celery in my lap.

"Marc from up the street asked me out again." She blushes when she says it.

James chokes on a bean and Sirius begins to hit his back to try and get it out.

"And?" I take a bite of celery. I _love_ celery.

"And I said yes. We went to a film."

"What film?"

She blushes. "_Grease_."

James stops choking and looks slightly relieved.

"What's with the blushing? _Grease_ is an _awesome_ movie!"

She looked amused. "_Grease_ by most people's standards is a chick flick."

"And?"  
"Chick flicks are make-out movies." Remus cut in.

James begins to choke on a carrot-flavoured one. Sirius resumes hitting his back.

I'm looking at Lily and I can tell I look as though I've never seen her before. At least, that's what I _hope_ I look like, knowing me I probably look retarded. "Make-out movie? I thought you were saving yourself for Prongs."

This time it's Lily's turn to choke; she'd stolen some celery.

"What?" She splutters and I shrug.

"Well, you really _should _go out sometime."

"Was he a better kisser than I am?" James asks suddenly, his brow furrowed.

Lily turns bright red.

"James Potter how _dare_ you ask such a question!? I have only ever kissed you _once_ that was completely accidental and _your_ fault! If you hadn't been so _bloody cheeky_ I would never, _ever_ have kissed you! Ever! I swear to Merlin that if you ever do it again I….I….I'll…-"

"Kiss back?" James cuts in, sounding innocent.

"No!" Lily turns an even brighter red and verges on purple. "I will hex you into something so gruesome you will never again be able to kiss _anyone_ and no one will ever want to kiss _you_!" And she got up and stormed out of the room.

We all sort of looked around surprised.

"I think that's a cue to head to bed." Remus mumbles and we all start to make our way up the stairs towards our separate dorms.

James looks confused.

As I near the top of the stairs, I grin and rush back down.

"Oi! Prongs!"  
James comes back down to look at me, looking sleepy and irritable.

"You're not going to ask some mad question are you?"

"Noooo."

"Promise?"

"Yeeees."

"Well?"

"How much wood can a woodchuck chuck?"

"How much-why would-oh-?" He starts to head upstairs, annoyed.

"Hey Prongs!"

"What?" He stays on the stairs, high enough up that I can't see him.

"In answer to your question-"

"What question?"

"The one you asked Evans."

"Ah."

"She meant just to say 'no'." I rush up the stairs, but I can hear James begin to sing like a madman. Idiot.


	6. Back Again

Wednesday, 1.57 am, DADA, 3 min. until Charms starts

Shaved Regulus's head. Blamed Sirius. We both have a detention for a month, starting next week when his first detention week is over.

Wednesday, 2.14 am, Charms

Blasted Flitwick off his chair when I went to hex Bellatrix for calling me a midget.

Fifty lines.

Bat-Bogey Hexes are not appropriate for Charms Class.

Bat-Bogey Hexes are not appropriate for Charms Class.

Bat-Bogey Hexes are not appropriate for Charms Class.

Bat-Bogey Hexes are not appropriate for Charms Class.

Bat-Bogey Hexes are not appropriate for Charms Class.

…..zzzzzzz.

Sunday, 1.01 pm, Common Room

Ahhh. My last free day before detention starts.

And my _first_ free day this week.

Between classes and detention I don't know how I'll fit anything in. I had to polish the entire trophy room the muggle way.

A punishment from Flitwick because I only did five lines before I fell asleep. This, apparently, is "insubordination". And "rude." I thought it was "a laugh". But oh no, not here it's not.

The boys thought it was funny.

Lily thought it was bad. But that's because she _loves_ Charms.

I haven't seen her ages. Back to her old nerdy self, I suppose. Studying non-stop and everything. Especially in Transfiguration.

You'd think that with her practically flunking she'd drop it.

But no.

This is Evans, here.

She _has_ to keep Transfiguration because she "needs to be better"!

Bull_shit_.

She's just taking it because James is fab at Transfiguration and because they decided to be civil this year, she can ask him for help (which makes him feel macho and special) and she can get a good mark (which makes her feel special).

So for both my mates it's a win-win.

I'm glad; I do like seeing them happy.

We didn't cause much trouble this week. How could we, with the whole lot of us in detention. The boys had their initial detentions and I earned my own (Regulus has been wearing a wig, which is awesome of course).

Oh yeah, Sirius is more than just a tad annoyed with me for blaming him for the Regulus thing when he didn't do anything.

Actually, he's bordering between angry and amused.

Amused: I shaved his nasty swot of a brother's head! That is pure _genius_ right there! And he can't get his hair back because I shaved it the muggle way while he was sleeping. So he has a wig. Hee hee.

Annoyed: He has detention, for an entire month, with me, for something he didn't do. But it'll be fun. We'll make it fun.

I hope.

All week has been mad.

"You need to know this to graduate!"

"I seriously hope you don't believe that waving your wand like a buffoon will cause a cheering charm do you?"

"Handling a gnome that way won't get you anywhere!"

"The Goblin Rebellions _will_ be on your NEWTs!"

"The use of crystal balls are a very useful tool!"

"Ms Doyle, I must admit to you that I fear for the lives of those around you if your future career involves any sort of potions."

Ah, Slughorn's a fat old git.

I bet the stupid sodding students in his special club give him "special favours".

Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

EW! That means Lily too!

GAH! Get out of my HEAD!

I need something sweet.

Back again, but with a stunned chocolate frog.

Mmm. Numbness.

What was I talking about?

Oh yes. Mad school.

It's awful. I don't even know how to start on how awful it is. It's so sodding awful the most awful thing in the world can't compare. I'm horrid at school and all my friends are so bloody clever.

I have no idea how to read tea leaves and who cares if Jupiter is up Uranus? (Hahaha, that's a good one, I'll have to tell that to Sirius).

When am I _ever_ going to have to turn a cat into a bag of tea?

So what the goblins rebelled? They're under control now, aren't they?

Who seriously needs to know how to make a love potion?

Okay, Charms I'm okay at. I can make things float, and fly and everything. I do like that. Alright, it might be the power. I love the power. Probably because I'm so small and never get to feel powerful.

Defense Against the Dark Arts I adore. I can hex people to hell and back and they'll never notice my wand moving. At least, that's what our teachers keep saying. All of them, every year. One, Professor Simmons, said it was because I am an extensively angry person. He was an arse.

Oh, this DADA lesson was fabulous.

We all entered the classroom and took seats.

Our order went: Remus, Peter, James, Sirius, me, Lily. You know how girls can play that clapping game, with a partner and there are mad little rhymes, like _Miss Mary Mack_ and _Miss Sally Had a Steamboat_? And how boys can't? Yeah, I was trying to teach Sirius. He was dreadful.

I was laughing and he was laughing and we were really hyper. Then the Professor stomps in, looking angry and annoyed. He slams in ("Drama Queen!" From James). He's muscular and huge and fairly scary.

He gets up, glares and goes: "I am Professor Thomas. I am your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. ("Are you? I thought you were a Dementor!"-Sirius). I understand your teaching in this particular subject has been fairly sporadic. I am concerned that it will appear in your work. Now." He looks around the class sneering, obviously hoping to prove we're all idiots.

"You." He points at me.

Maybe because I'm so small.

Maybe because he's a sexist pig.

Maybe because he wants to exert power over women.

Maybe because I was drawing pictures of Sirius hanging himself on my arm.

Whatever the reason, he glares and yells at me. "What's your name?"

"Libby."

"Excuse me?"

"You're excused."

"Five points from Gryffindor. What's your full name?"

"Libby _Doyle_."

"Your _full_ name?"  
I sigh. "Elizabeth Cressida Doyle."

"Yes?"

"No, you see, _I'm_ Miss Doyle." I point at myself and nod.

"Another five points. You forgot the 'sir'."

"No, see, I'm a girl." I say it very obviously.

Lily hits me at this point. "Stop costing us points!"

He glares. "Sir." I add quickly.

"Miss Doyle, get up here please."

I make my way to the front of the classroom.

"Do you know non-verbal spells?"

"Yes sir."

"Do you know how to perform them?"

I give the boys a small smirk. "I might."

He looks as though this is the best news he has ever gotten. His mouth turned up and he smirked a mile wide. Ugh creepy.

"Now, I will send a small spell at you, block me non-verbally."

It all seemed to go very slow motion. I heard a voice in my head, my voice, go _He's using f__urnunculus!_ Then I saw him make a motion and I saw him focus really hard and then real slow, I thought _PROTEGO!_ as hard as I could and then, everything came back to full speed and Professor Thomas went flying backwards into the wall and boils appeared all over his face.

He got up and looked horrified and surprised and little alarmed. "A shield spell. Effective. I didn't even know it was coming."

"I know." I took my seat again.

Everyone kept telling me how brilliant it was. It felt really good too. I've never really been good at anything and it was fun to be good at something for once.

The boys loved it.

"You should have jinxed him!"

"No way! You should have disarmed him!"

"I think she did brilliantly." That was Sirius. He has been very nice lately and I don't know why. Probably he's looking for protection from his fangirls.

I donno.

We passed a note around in H.O.M.

Very hilarious. I copied it out here.

Me: This sucks! I shoulda skipped!  
Lily: You can't skip class!  
Me: Why not? It's just Binns!  
Remus: Lily has a point, Libbs, skipping isn't good.  
James: Since when, Moony?  
Peter: You've skipped loads!  
Lily: It's all your fault boys! You're a bad influence!  
Peter: What'd I do? I didn't MAKE them all skip!  
Lily: You might not have physically forced them to skip Peter, but by going along with their stupid ideas and doing what they do makes you just as bad as them! Even if you don't say "Come on mates, let's skip!" by not saying "No, we can't" you are also part of the problem.  
Me: Geez, rant much, Lils??  
Lily: It's all your lot's fault.  
Me: I didn't do nuffin.  
Sirius: Prongs, make your girlfriend shut up.  
Lily: My God Sirius! Work on your handwriting! He is not my boyfriend!  
Sirius: Yes, mum.  
Peter: Snape just gave you the finger Libbs.  
Me: Oh no he didn't!!  
Peter: Er...yes he did.  
Remus: It's an expression, Wormtail.  
James: What about my girlfriend, Padfoot!?  
Lily: I AM NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND!  
Sirius: Shut her up will you!  
James: Make me! I like it when Lily yells at you lot!  
Remus: Technically she's yelling at all of us, you know, Prongs.  
James: Liar!  
Sirius: He's not lying. She's yelling at us. You don't yell at Sirius Black!  
Peter: If you were paying attention, you would know that Libby set Snivelly's hair on fire.  
James: Hahahahaha! I saw that!  
Sirius: Tell Bibbs I love her  
James: She won't have you, Padfoot.  
Sirius: Damn!  
Peter: Snivelly just tried to put out the fire with ink!!  
James: Hee hee. What a swot! It's hilarious!  
Me: I feel excluded  
Sirius: You are.  
Remus: How come?  
Me: I had to attack James with my rucky to get the paper!  
Sirius: Ha ha!  
Me: Sirius, I hate you.  
Sirius: I have equally strong feelings of dislike for you too!  
Me: Go burn in hell!  
Sirius: I was gonna say that!  
Me: Freaky shit, man….  
Sirius: We're telewhatsitly connected.  
Sirius: We should SO get married!  
Me: Sure! I CALL DIBS ON BRIDE!  
Sirius: What?  
Me: You KNOW you wanted to be bride Siri.  
Sirius: Shut up I did not.  
Lily: Oh Lord! Are you lot still writing on this bloody piece of paper? Honestly! You should be taking notes instead! Binns has said quite a few useful things today!  
Me: Useful in Evans language Boring in the human tongue  
Remus: Aren't you tired of this yet? Peter is! I am! Lily and James are!  
Peter: Not bored with it! Just couldn't get the paper from Libby!  
Me: Tee hee  
Peter: The psychotic bitch BIT me!  
Sirius: Ha ha!  
Me: I'm so special  
Peter: Psychotic more like!  
James: Class is over losers! WE'RE FREE!  
Me: Are we still getting married?  
Sirius: Sure Why not

Obviously highly hilarious. Binns didn't think so.

Oooh the boys showed up. They want to play exploding snap.

Gotta run.


	7. Musings

Harry had been sitting there for hours now, reading the diary of this strange girl. She was so different from anyone he knew. She was like Ginny, in the fact that she seemed fierce but she also seemed like Luna.

_She's also a bit like Sirius_. Harry thought to himself, standing up and starting to leave the ruined rumble that used to be his house. He had done all he needed to do here.

Ron and Hermione had stayed behind in the tent, a few miles back. He had to come here alone. They had understood _that_, but what about the diary?

Would they understand that?

Would they be nervous of it, afraid it was some trap of Voldemort's?

Harry knew he should be more worried, cautious, about this book. But he couldn't. Not when the author so obviously knew his parents. Not when this was the only way now to discover what his parents were like, how they got together, everything about them.

_What if Voldemort had Wormtail write it?_ He could hear Hermione saying it now. _You know, Harry, Wormtail could have very easily written this and planted it there for you. Why don't we just put it down and go?_

But he couldn't leave it. Not now. Not when he was beginning to feel like he actually knew his parents.

No. Not now.

Libby spoke about his parents in such a different way than everyone else had always had, and he liked it. He couldn't place his finger on what was the difference, but that didn't matter because he loved it.

He continued to walk, as not to draw attention from muggles. He walked along, wondering, thinking.

_What if my parents weren't like this? What if it's all made up?_

But it couldn't be.

They seemed this way in the Pensieve and this was how Sirius acted before he fell through the veil. This _had_ to be how they acted.

Libby had to be real.

_You've never seen any pictures_. That nasty voice in the back of his head told him.

He started running.

He needed to check his parent's photo albums.

To see if she was there.

He reached the tent. It was small on the outside, but like the ones at the Quidditch World Cup, it was magically enhance on the inside.

He rushed in, and ran to the back room where he slept.

He had brought the photos albums to help him find Godric's Hollow.

He opened to the last page he had looked at.

His parent's wedding.

There was Libby. Grinning and waving, her arm linked with Sirius's. She had been right about her appearance. She was tiny and looked even smaller next to Sirius, who was very tall. She had large eyes and wavy hair. They all looked very happy.

He flipped through.

There was Libby again, with everyone and they were on a couch. Libby was sitting on the arm. Sirius was leaning against her feet. James and Lily were on the other side, James leaning against the other arm, Lily laying on his chest, his arms wrapped around her waist and her hands resting on his. Remus was in between and Peter was on the floor.

Libby was laughing, but when she saw Harry she stopped and opened her mouth in a gigantic grin, making her eyes go wider, and waved very enthusiastically. Sirius waved lazily and leaned his head back to look at her. She said something to him and he tugged on her hand.

James and Lily exchanged proud glances and smiled up at him benignly. Remus smiled and waved shyly, Peter looked annoyed.

He kept looking and found pictures of them at Hogwarts. Laughing, smiling, sulking (that was mostly Libby and James), kissing (Lily and James), hitting each other with broomsticks (Libby and Sirius), playing keep-away with the Snitch (James and Sirius seemed to be torturing Libby about how short she was).

Harry breathed a sigh of relief.

They were real.

She was real.

He could keep reading, and feel closer to his parents.

No one was stopping him now.

He had proof.

Libby existed.

This amazing weight that had settled in his chest lifted. He wasn't reading a hoax, he was reading the diary of a girl who was clever and insane and knew his parents. He couldn't be any more elated.

And that's when it hit him.

Whenever people spoke to him about his parents, it was with a fondness of someone who has lost a treasured possession. They told Harry what great people they were and they spouted James and Lily's best traits without even thinking about it. They told Harry how perfect and wonderful and delightful they were.

They mentioned how great they looked, how fabulous they acted. They were never wrong, they were always right. There were no questions about it with those whom Harry knew; James and Lily were wonderful.

To Libby, they were every day objects. She saw them being clever, being stupid, looking terrible and getting in trouble. She saw them sticking up for others and being jerks. To Harry, Libby's version of his parents was so much more real than anything anyone else had ever told him.

This diary wasn't helping him find a horcrux, but it _was_ helping.


	8. Party Over Here

Monday, October, Great Hall, Lunch 12.01 PM

Lily and I have been plotting.

Shall greatly benefit everyone.

Monday, October, Great Hall, Lunch, 12.02 PM

Bwahahaha

Saturday, October. Gryffindor Common Room, 2.05 AM

Hallelujah I am free!

After forty-million years of detention, Sirius and I have finally finished our detentions! Which, of course, were laughs. Mostly because we didn't get much done, but instead ending up causing mayhem. _Pour example_ instead of polishing the trophy room we somehow ended up polishing each other's faces. Instead of washing the floor, we had a water fight.

Anyways, to celebrate our liberation, we all decided to have a sleep over!

YAY!

Of course, we invited the entire grade, but as usual, there were six of us. The boys, I and Lils were the only ones to bother to show up. Possibly cos everyone else is scared of us, and who can blame them? I'd be scared of me.

In fact, I _am_ scared of me.

The boys have disappeared somewhere, claiming to get supplies and they've been gone for a full three quarters of an hour. I bet you they just made an excuse to escape. But you never know, I could be wrong.

I'm in a chair and I'm sitting upside down. The blood is rushing to my head and I can feel myself getting steadily purpler. I close my eyes and then I hear footsteps.

Someone in the direction of over there is walking.

It sounds like a bunch of footsteps.

Maybe the boys are back.

But before I have a chance to open my eyes and investigate, there is a pressure on my ankles, and they are being pushed, over my head, and I am flipping. Then I'm on the floor, upside down and annoyed.

I don't even need to look up to guess who did it. "Thanks Black."

"Welcome Doyle."

"You're annoying. And mean."

"Yeah, well you suck."

"You _wish_ I suck."

"Oi! Keep it PG!" James interrupts, shoving Sirius roughly.

Bugger them. I get up and go to sit back on my chair, but Sirius beats me to it and he sits sideways too, so that he is completely taking up the entire chair.

"Move your fat arse, Black."

"I take that quite seriously you know, I am _very _self-conscious about my weight."

I sit on his stomach.

"And we thought _I_ was fat…"

"Stuff it, Black."

I mimic his position, except backwards so that we are each by the others feet. He moves over a tad and I fall onto the seat.

I am now squished between Sirius and the couch.

He raises an eyebrow and I open my mouth to say something but I can't think of anything to say. Usually we never shut up.

It's really tense and Sirius cocks his head and looks at me for a long moment. Then he speaks and he sounds different than he usually does. "Libby-"

I think it's the first time he's used my real name.

"Don't you two look cozy."

Lily, she's smirking.

I can _feel_ myself turn redder and redder by the second and Sirius is very red too. We both slide off the chair and skulk off to opposite sides of the room. Lily is just smirking like a stupid smirking thing.

"What _have_ you and Prongs been up to?" I snap back.

"I don't know where _he's_ been," Lily's voice is cold. "But _I've_ been studying."

"I got the stuff." James whispers roughly, appearing from no where.

"_The stuff_?" Lily sounds appalled; we know what she's thinking.

"Yeah, Butterbeer. What were _you_ thinking?" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and he's smirking.

"I-nothing." She glares.

"Lily Evans! You bad girl!" James mock lectures. "Now everybody sit in a circle." He orders and we comply, Remus and Peter arriving from nowhere. I start at the sight of them and everyone grins a bit. We seat ourselves in a circle: James and Sirius on one side, Remus, then Lily and me, and then Peter. We form sort of a circular rectangle and its funny, but only to me.

"Alright. We will get drunk and then play truth or dare." James explains, but notices Lily glaring at him with a murderous glint in her eyes. "Or, we could just play truth or dare." She looks less evil. Slightly.

"Okay….um….Libby! Truth or dare!" James starts.

"I don't trust you. Truth."

"Ever been drunk?"

"What is your obsession with finding out whether or not I've been drunk!?" I rant at Sirius because I know he put James up to it, the stupid git. "And yes, I have, so ha-di-ha-ha-ha, Mr Black, _you_ win!"

He bows comically from the opposite side of the circle and I viciously hurl a pillow from one of the couches at his head, but he smoothly catches it and sits on it.

I know whom I'm picking. I've already planned. "Lily."

She's going to pick _dare_, she promised. "Dare."

I smirk, she knows what I'm going to tell her to do. "I dare you to confess your deepest, darkest most secrety secret."

The boys look interested.

"I'm in love." She's staring at the floor, wringing her hands.

James's face falls and I can see pain register across his features. He breathes in deeply, but doesn't say anything. The boys are oblivious to James's obvious disappointment and they look mildly amused.

"With who?" Sirius persists.

Lily takes another breath and looks at James.

"James Potter."

I swear, Peter choked on whatever he was eating, and knowing him it could be anything. Sirius's eyebrows met his hairline.

"Hello Eyebrows."

"How do you _do_, Hairline?"

"Splendid."

"What about this weather we've been having?"

"Marvellous, marvellous. How are the kids?"

Alright, enough of that. So, Sirius looked surprised, Remus looked amused and Prongs, I have never seen Prongs look so happy. His eyes went all bright and this stupid grin broke out across his face and he leaned across the circle and morphed into Lily. (By that I mean they started snogging.)

I'm sitting there, feeling revolted, so I close my eyes. And then there's an arm around my shoulders. I look to my right and I see Sirius, he's smiling.

"You planned it."

"Shhhhh! Let them snog!" I chastise, and he smiles.

"I've never seen Prongs so happy."

"Me neither."

He gives my shoulders a squeeze. "Thanks, Bibbs."

"I'm not eleven anymore, Padfoot, you can call me Libby."

"Am I the only one who still calls you Bibbs?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm sticking with Bibbs."

"Mean!"

"Why? Do you hate being called Bibbs, Bibbsy?"

"No, but-"

"I'm sticking with Bibbs."

"Damn."

Truth or Dare sunk downhill from there, sadly. I was very excited to Dare Sirius but _noooo_ Lily and James just wanted to snog. So the rest of us sat around and talked for forty-million years before we fell asleep.

We all sat on the couches. I sat on the arm, cos I'm me and Sirius leaned against my knees, while hogging the rest of the couch with his stupid long legs.

Peter and Remus each took a chair, grinning stupidly and Padfoot and occasionally giving him a random thumbs-up when they thought I wasn't looking.

Why, I'm not sure.

But I will find out somehow.

"So, Padfoot, worst memory?" Remus begins the conversation and then buries his nose in a book so that he won't have to participate, the lazy bugger.

"Falling down the stairs."

"You lie." Peter interjects. "I thought it would be some of the times your father beat you, or maybe when you-"

"Your father beat you too? _Siiiiiirrrrriiiii_! Why didn't you tell me?" I moan and cover my face with my hands. And I thought this group dynamic was good.

"Hey, I'm fine. That was a normal part of life-"

"Sirius!"

"What?"

"That's awful."

"I hate this subject." He sounds rather feral and it scares me. I peer through my fingers and he looks angry. I really badly want to change the topic.

"Erm, Peter, worst memory."

"When you died my hair pink, is the most recent."

"Are you saying you have a lot of bad memories?"

"Yeah."

"That sucks."

"It does."

"Haha."

"Oh please, you have loads of bad memories."

"No I don't, actually."

"You have to, your life sucks."

"Thanks Wormtail." I roll my eyes. I nudge Sirius and he looks at me. "Are you alright mate, you seem more than just slightly depressed."

He just looks at me in a looking-at-me kind of way and raises an eyebrow. "What a stupid question." He looks faintly annoyed.

"Yeah well, you have a stupid face."

"People _love_ my face."

"I hate your face."

"Why's that?"

"Well, you've got this stupid straight nose and I must admit that I have never been particularly fond of your left cheekbone."

"What about the right cheekbone?"

"It's not as bad as the left."

"What's wrong with the left?"

Peter's eyes are flying between us like he's at a tennis match or something.

"It's a bad cheekbone."

"How so?"

"It took candy from a baby."

"I'm glad he's clever."

"It's a she."

"Well I'm sorry then."

"Well you should be."

"Well I am."

"Good."

"Good."

"Fab."

"Wonderful."

"I didn't know you knew words longer than five letters!"

"Hahaha. How insanely clever of you."

"Thank you, thank you."

There's another silence until he grabs my leg and I fall backwards onto the couch, the stupid git. Now it's all awkward and uncomfortable because I'm lying on his knee.

"What is it with you and making me fall?"

"It's a laugh."

"How the bloody hell is it funny?"

"You laugh when we fall down."

I can't find a rational answer.

"I just won, didn't I?"

"Shut up, Black."

"But did I win?"

"Shut _up_!"

"I want to hear you say it!"

"No!"

"I won!"

"No!"

"C'mon Bibbs!"

"Screw you."

"Admit defeat!"

"Never!" I jump up and I hit him with a pillow. He grabs one, jumps up and hits me back. I stick out my tongue and I hit him again and then he hits me, hard, and the pillow explodes.

"Oops."

I'm laughing so hard I can hardly breathe. It's not really all that funny, but I can't stop laughing. It's a bit annoying actually.

"Someone's giddy." Sirius has his eyebrows raised.

Remus looks at me. "She's tired."

Sirius looks at him. "How do you know?"

"She laughs a lot when she's tired."

And he's right, I collapse backwards onto the couch, suddenly ridiculously exhausted. So tired I don't want to move. "I'm tired. G'night." I mumble and roll away from them, so my face is buried in the couch.

Remus' voice comes out from somewhere to my left. "It's two in the morning."

Lily's voice is also coming from the left. "My God, we should sleep. Where's Libby?" She sounds a tad worried.

"Eaten by the couch." Sirius explains.

I hear them all getting ready for bed. They've all gone to sleep and now I'm writing in here the fast way, using a wand, thank Merlin for that.

Now I'm tired and I must sleep.


End file.
